The song I chose for this week is a bit more personal for me than the last few posts I’ve done. But I’ve had this song on my heart for months and feel God calling me to speak about it. Like I’ve mentioned before, sometimes you hear a song, and you feel like it was written for you, about you and it feels like God used the words of these writers to speak directly to your heart. Because I am so touched and moved by music, a lot of times in my life when I am struggling with something, or even extremely joyful about something, I often can’t find the words to describe what it is I feel through my emotions. Then I hear a song, and it all becomes clear…this is me, this is for me, this is what I’m going through. A few months ago that happened when I heard this song, “In over my head (crash over me)” by Bethel Music.
As the first verse sang out through my car speakers, I was stunned to silence by the accuracy of these words as they touched my ears. It goes, “I have come to this place in my life, I’m full but I’m not satisfied. This longing to have more of You. And I can feel it my heart is convinced. I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched. You already know this but still, come and do whatever You want to.” Like most, I have been through many different stages in life when it comes to my walk with God. I was born and raised in a Christian home. My family and I went to the same church all of my childhood and both my parents were involved in ministry. When I was in 6th grade, all that changed. My parents got divorced, and both of them stopped going to church. It was then up to me. Would I continue on this walk, or would I turn away because I was going through something hard. Because I no longer had that role of my parents taking me to church every week. I’m happy to say that I stayed in church, and although I’m no longer attending the same one that I grew up in, I continued to go every week, and be a part of a ministry ever since I made that choice. From then till now, I’ve surely had my ups and downs in my walk, and God has used me and changed me, mended my heart, and then broke me down and built me back up, new in Him many times. But right now, I’m at place in my life and in my walk with God where I have never been. I am so full, but I’m not satisfied. Just like these lyrics say. I’m leading worship with a great team at my church, my husband and I are facilitating a LifeGroup, I’ve made new commitments to God. I feel close to His heart, I’m strong in my faith. But I want more. I feel full with God’s love and grace, but I want more. Like I mentioned in a prior blog, I had been searching and searching for something to offer me that “more” that I was craving. I tried starting different side projects but they just took up time that I didn’t have. I tried finding new hobbies, but all they brought me was distraction. Before I knew it, I had let myself slip from some of those commitments I recently made to God. Like this first verse says, God already knew that I would never find what I was looking for if I continued down this path. God gives us the freedom of choice. Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) says, “In their hearts humans plan their coarse, but the Lord establishes their steps.” He let me wander a little bit, but not too long, not too far. Not before He grabbed my attention and pointed me back in the right direction. Towards Him. Always towards Him. I was at this point now, on my knees asking God to come do what He wanted to do in my life. Part of that resulted in me rediscovering my love of writing and the start of this blog. And what joy God has brought me by being able to share part of my passion with all of you! God is good.
The second part of the song says “I’m standing knee-deep but I’m out where I’ve never been. And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind. Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put you in. Let love come teach me who you are again. Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about you. And all I wanted was just to be with You. Come and do whatever You want to.” That’s exactly where I’m at right now. Only knee-deep compared to where God wants to take me, but out where I’ve never been before. It’s a scary thing for me to have come off the shore, out of my comfort zone. To look back and see that shore so close, to look ahead and see the wide open sea of where God is taking me. The unknown. It would be so easy to just turn around, I’m not out that far. But I feel God’s love taking me to a place where my heart is ONLY about Him. and where ALL I want is to just be with Him. Too not worry about what He is or isn’t doing in my life, but to just spend time in His presence. His healing, transforming, peaceful, hopeful presence. Where I’m overwhelmed and consumed by the fire that is His Holy Spirit. God is teaching me that I need to stop putting Him in ‘boxes”. Stop putting limits on a God that is LIMITLESS. “Oh, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” Jeremiah 32:17 (NIV) His hand has no limits and His love has no end. He never stops pursuing my heart! He’ll never let me wander too far. What a Savior! There is no box that can contain His power.
The song goes on to sing, “And further and further my heart moves away from the shore. Whatever it looks like whatever may come I am yours.” This is also something that God has been reminding me of lately, that I am His. I am His no matter what! I am His no matter what wrong choices I’ve made along the way. No matter how many times I wandered away from His love. Even when I walked away, He was with me. “No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39 (NLT) Gods love is pulling me further and further away from the shore that I remained on too long. And I am scared, but I am anxious to see where He takes me, knowing that wherever that may be, I am His. That is ALL that matters.
The last part of this song escalates musically and I feel the “Holy Spirit Chills” cover my body every single time I hear it. The lyrics along with powerful melody of the music ring deep and true to my heart. It says, “Then you crash over me and I’ve lost control and I’m free. I’m going under. I’m in over my head. Then you crash over me, and that’s where you want me to be. I’m going under. I’m in over my head. Whether I sink, whether I swim, it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head.” I can be honest and say that I’m not there yet. I’m not completely under, but I’m on my way and there’s NO WHERE I would rather be! When I hear these lyrics, I close my eyes and I image myself out in the sea, going deeper and deeper into the heart of God, the water rising up my body making its way to my head. I no longer want to go back towards the shore, because I’m right where God has called me. And as I finally surrender everything to the Lord I envision The waves of his grace and mercy completely consuming me. Surrounded and enveloped to the point where there is no one else, and nothing else I can see, but my King, My father, My Jesus. And no matter if I sink to the bottom, or I swim gracefully, I will not drown. I want to lose control and give it to Jesus. I want to surrender It all, and I know I am almost there. Instead of being in over my head with fear, doubt, pride, insecurities, and all the anxieties this world has to offer me, I want, and cannot wait to be BEAUTIFULLY in over my head in the sea of God’s love, forgiveness, acceptance, power and mercy.
Father God, Crash over me today with your love. Continue to draw me deeper and deeper into your sea of grace. Carry me out Jesus to the deep, deep sea that is the calling you have upon my life. I pray that who ever may read this today God that you meet them where they are. Whether they are on the shore, or making their way out to complete surrender, remind them that they are Yours Jesus. Speak to their hearts the promise of your love, the promise that you will never let go. The promise that NOTHING or NO ONE can separate them from Your love. Thank you that you pursue us relentlessly. That you will always lead us back to your heart if we let you. You are so good to us father. Take us in over our heads God. I trust you. I will follow you Lord. Lead me. Amen
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