“We don’t have to come to God like somebody else. We come to him like we are. And a lot of times that means I start my prayer time with, ‘God, just show me my heart. Show me where I am. God, show me the truth about myself so I know how to follow you. ‘ ”
-Mark Hall
The first time I heard Mark Halls prayer at the beggining of this video, I was in my kitchen doing dishes and I just broke down in tears. Even hearing it again now as I write this brings back the emotions. I spent most of 2017 in a mixture of going through the motions, and feeling a constant restlessness in my spirit that there had to be something more for me. There had to be something greater than my routine. And not just my daily routine of work and life, but in the routine I had fallen into with God. My restlessness began with bitterness and frustration with the people around me, at home, work, and even in the ministry’s I’m involved in at church. I wanted them to be doing more! I felt this pulling from God in my spirit for change, but at the time I wasn’t in a place to implement any of it. (nor was it my job to change anybody) I wanted to change the minds of everyone that was causing my frustration, but we all know where that leads….disappointment. I was disappointed because I was setting unrealistic expectations on others. I had my eyes on everyone around me, and not on God. A mentor of mine helped me to understand that my restlessness wasn’t because of what others were or weren’t doing. The restlessness in my spirit was from God. He was calling me to do more! To stretch myself beyond my current roles. To graduate me into different areas of ministry and serving. To grow! God was asking me to grow…but I was missing it because my eyes were not focused on the right thing.
“….and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 2:1-2
Which leads me to my kitchen sink a few weeks ago, in tears, as I heard these words from Mark Hall. “God show me the truth about myself, so I know how to follow you.”
Towards the end of 2017, I decided to start saying yes to God, no matter what it meant. And in this one short month of 2018 I have had to prove that to God multiple times over! I said yes to stepping out from behind my microphone stand and becoming the worship leader at my church. I said yes to helping develop a mental health ministry. I said yes as God spoke the word “choice” over me for 2018. And sometimes saying yes to God means saying no to others, so I also said yes when God asked me to close some doors in my life, even when closing those doors meant stepping out into the unknown.
So now, as I choose to say “YES GOD” I choose also to say I trust you. I trust you to do what you do because you know what is best for me. I trust you to take care of me when I have no idea what tomorrow holds. I trust you to lead me, even in the dark. And I trust that when doors close, you WILL open new ones.
Here’s to 2018. He makes all things new.
Here’s my heart Lord, take it all. Speak what is true.
“I am found. I am Yours. I am loved. I’m made pure. I have life. I can breathe. I am healed. I am free. You are strong. You are sure. You are life. You endure. You are good. Always true. You are light breaking through. You are more than enough. You are here. You are love. You are hope. You are grace. You’re all I have. You’re everything”
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