“You’re making a masterpiece. You’re shaping the soul in me. You’re moving where I can’t see, and all I am is in your hands. You’re taking me all apart, like it was your plan from the start. To finish your work of art for all to see. You’re making a masterpiece.”
Every single word of this song speaks over the season of life I’m in. I have been in this season of waiting, of preparation, of pruning. I have questioned God’s plan for my life. I have doubted my decisions at every turn, and I have had moments where I’m barely hanging onto hope. But in the midst of all of that, I have also made a choice every day to believe that this is part of God’s plan. That he is shaping me. Working in ways that I cannot see. And on the days when I feel like I’m being torn apart, I have to believe God is putting me back together. I’m becoming a better version of myself. I’m becoming who God wants me to be. His work of art. His masterpiece.
In Ephesians 2:10 God’s word says, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
God knows every minute of our lives before were even born, so wouldn’t it be so easy if we God would just come before us in our younger years and tell us, “OK, here’s my plan for your life, here’s how to get there. now go!” Yes, it would be much easier and maybe less painful, but then we would never have to trust or depend on His guidance. And part of growing our faith in Him, means sometimes following His voice in the dark, when we have no clue whats coming next.
I have had so many things happen in the last few months that have just made no sense to me. I cannot understand why they’re happening, and even as I’ve come before God in question, I haven’t received many answers. This is when my word of the year “CHOICE” keeps coming back to me. The challenge of that word keeps presenting itself in every situation I face. Am I going to choose to live this day in frustration of what’s happening? Am I going to give all my energy to the doubt and fear that presses in on me? Or am I going to trust Gods plan for me? Will I trust that He is for me, not against me. That He has good plans for my life! That He is making something new! That it’s OK to not always have the answers because God knows them. Will I trust that He is a God that provides? I have the choice! You have the choice!
“Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you.” Psalm 84:12
Never would I ever have imagined, that God would redefine, and reshape my life in my 30’s. My mind tells me that by now, I should have been certain of who I am. I shouldn’t be thinking about switching careers. I shouldn’t be questioning so many things. But that is the mold society has put on me. God’s timing is beyond my understanding and perfect in every way. And He has set me on this path, in this time of my life for a very specific reason. I have to believe that He is preparing me for something greater than I can even imagine.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
Whatever season you find yourself in today, trust in God’s timing. If you are following His words and His guidance, you never have to doubt. He will give you just what you need to make it to the next step.
I read a testimony this week online about a young woman that lost her husband to cancer. It was a heartbreaking story, but it ended in hope. The hope she had in Jesus that it was all part of his plan for her life. She said something that really stuck with me. She said in the midst of her pain and confusion, one day she felt God tell her “Give this to me”. As I read those words I felt the presence of God come over me and the situation I’m facing. He said, “my daughter, I love you so much more than you can know. I’m right here with you. In every worry, in every fear, in every doubt, I am with you. Just give this to me. I’ve got you.”
Wherever you are today, even if it’s so dark you can’t even see your own hand in front of you. He’s got you. I promise, He’s got you.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9
Throughout this week I’ve faced some personal challenges. The enemy coming at me from all sides trying to bring discouragement and doubt. Begging me to focus on all the problems in my life. Nagging at me to just throw up my hands and say I’ve had enough, it’s too hard, there’s no way out.
But there’s been a louder voice, forcing its way through all of that negative noise…it’s a sweet voice whispering, “I am enough”. Like His voice in 2 Corinthians that says just that! My grace is enough, I am strong when you are weak.
Our church is finishing up a campaign called “40 days of prayer” by Rick Warren. This last week reminded us to look back at what God has done for us. And even further to look back in His word to see what He’s done in many generations past. Have you stopped to do that lately? To remember a time when God made possible what you believed would never happen? Have you opened His word to read of the countless miracles performed in His name?
I know we’ve all been through storms in life that threatened to swallow us. I can think back to a specific time in my early 20’s when I thought my world was crashing down around me, and I believed there was absolutely no way out. I remember lying in bed one night, heart completely broken, full of shame, not knowing what to do. But as I lie there defeated, God’s voice broke through even if just the faintest whisper, It came in a song that said “come to me you weary one, I will give you rest. Come to me you broken one, I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
I remember a time 6 years ago when my husband had been let go from his job, and we thought there was no way we could pay all our bills. We thought we would lose our home. But God proved Himself faithful again. He took care of us and He made a way where there seemed to be no way.
3 years ago my family and I sat in a hospital room in San Francisco and were certain we were losing my Father in Law to a undiagnosable brain condition. We watched him deteriorating before our eyes, and all I could do was pray peace over the situation. Then I watched as God restored his health. I watched him walk back into his home weeks later. And even though his life will never be the same, I’ve watched him laugh, and love, and live for the past 3 years.
God is faithful. His power is made perfect even in our weakest moments. Especially in our weakest moments!
So as I look at this world around me. As I read story after story of the violence in this world. As I wonder what my future holds, and how I’m going to get there. I’ll look back and remember that my God is for me! I’ll remember His power and goodness. I’ll trust Him because He’s shown me time and time again that He can be trusted. And even when it’s just a whisper, I’ll listen when I hear Him tell me He’s enough.
Well, I didn’t expect to be writing a post this week. I thought I would be 3 days post surgery and only able to use one arm. If you’re reading this, then you know that’s not the case. I mentioned in my last post that I was going in for shoulder surgery Monday, but what I didn’t tell you was that my original surgery date was February 5th and it got postponed for unforeseen reasons to March 12th. So you can imagine my shock when they called me Morning to tell me that my surgeon was stuck at the airport in Dallas and they needed to reschedule my surgery yet again, a month down the road.
I want to tell you that I was excited to hear that news, and that I’d enjoy being off for an additional month. But, that’s not what happened. I sat there on my bed and I cried. I cried hard. I’d closed my business in February to prepare for the first surgery date. When that didn’t happen, I took the time to do everything I could to prepare my body, my mind, and my home for the recovery process. When I hung up the phone, I cried out “why?” “Are you kidding me?” “I can’t believe this is happening again.” “I’m so confused, I don’t understand what God is doing here.” “Now what am I going to do.”
You see, this bump in the road is causing me to be out of work for longer than I thought. It’s causing me to be in this unknown season for longer than I thought. And I was questioning every decision I’ve made over the last few months.
But here’s where God steps in. He says to me, “OK. You’ve let it all out, I know how upset you are. I know this isn’t what you planned, but let me remind you…”
“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11
I can’t tell you how many times God has brought that verse to my mind over the years, but it always puts things back in the right perspective for me. I don’t always get to know the full span of how Gods plan lays out. I don’t get to determine God’s timeline. I’m going to face things that I don’t want to go through. But I can be sure of this, whatever Gods plan is for me (and He has one) IT IS GOOD! His plan for me is good! His plans for you are good!
I was asking God why this was happening. Why He was doing this AGAIN. It’s just a simple surgery, why was He making it so hard to just get done and be on the road to recovery. But this morning as I thought back on my few days of questioning Gods plan, He spoke a very clear truth over my circumstance. He doesn’t MAKE everything in my life happen. Sometimes life just happens, and He allows it. Sometimes we get dealt things in life that seem unbearable, but He allows it. Sometimes other peoples choices cause pain and frustration in our life that we cannot prevent, and He allows it.
I believe that though it’s bizarre and frustrating that my surgery got postponed twice, It’s not Gods fault. But He is allowing it my life because He wants me to know, without a shadow of a doubt that WHATEVER happens, however many times this situation goes the opposite of what I planned, HE IS WITH ME. He’s with me in this prolonged season of waiting. He’s with me in my frustrations and confusion. He’s even with me in my doubt and anger. And He will use this for His GOOD plans for my life.
As a friend reminded me this week, one day this will be a part of my story. One day I’ll look back and understand why. God is not finished writing His beautiful story yet, and I’m choosing to be OK with that. He knows what He’s doing.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
“Cause You know what is best,
YES! And you’re not done yet!
All the while you keep saying, trust that I am orchestrating,
everything for good. Everything for good!
All the while you keep saying,
trust that I am custom making, everything for good. “
“For you are indeed good, and your words are truth, and you have promised me these good things. ” 2 Samuel 7:28
This coming week, I am entering into a season that I’ve never walked through before. In January, I found out that I have a shoulder injury that requires surgery. The last time I had surgery was 25 years ago, and I’ve never broken a bone or severely injured myself. So as you can imagine, when I heard the doctor say “you need surgery, you’ll be in a sling for 6 weeks, you can’t work” I was immediately overwhelmed with fear. I remember that day clearly because it was pouring rain, and as I sat in the car taking it all in, I sobbed just like the sky.
I cried because I am a self-employed hairstylist, I own my business and I was just told I wouldn’t be working for at least 10 weeks. I cried because I was afraid of the pain that was promised to come with this recovery. And I cried as I thought about all the things I wouldn’t be able to do for myself…like wash my hair, brush my hair, get dressed, cook…all these things I would need help to do because I’ll only have my left hand to use for at least 6 weeks. And then after that, everything is slow as you begin physical therapy to gain back strength and range of motion.
All this to say, that for those moments, and even days following I didn’t once stop and think upon the promises I knew in Gods word that said He would help me through this. That this was part of His plan. I didn’t stop to see the prayers that He was answering through this trial. I didn’t stop to see His goodness. All I could think about was what I was going to endure.
Its been about 2 months since I first got this news, and since then, I had to make the choice to close my business because my husband and I couldn’t afford to keep it open while being out of work for 2 months. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made, but I knew it was a sacrifice God was asking me to make. I’ve also had to let go of control of some areas in my life that I’ve never had to before and learn to trust other people to do things that I’ve always done on my own. And for the first time in my adult life I will have to let others take care of me, when I’ve always been the one taking care of others.
Through all of this, God has taught me something that I NEVER would have learned if I wasn’t faced with this trial. And that’s where the beauty of this story comes in. GOD HAS A PLAN! He’s had one all along, and He knew I would never grow to where He needed me to grow without the pressure of this situation. And I am right where I’m supposed to be BECAUSE of this situation.
What are you facing today that has you focused on the negative? The loss of a job? A difficult relationship? An injury or illness? Whatever it is, I promise that if you give it to God and surrender your future to His hand, HE WILL BRING SOMETHING GOOD! You can trust His name for greater things!!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.” Romans 8:28
You often hear the saying “God won’t bring you to it, if He wont bring you through it.” Well, as I go into surgery Monday, I am choosing to believe this with all my heart. I’ll see the other side of this storm one day, and I will see all the good that is promised to come, and it will be by HIS power and grace that I get there.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
“I will not fear, for you are with me. I’ve seen this fight from the victory! No power in hell can stand against me! I’ve seen this fight from the victory!”
“And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of Gods marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you’ll never see the end of it or fully know or understand it.” Ephesians 3: 17-19 (TLB)
This song by anthem lights is pretty old by now, but it came up on my playlist the other day and the opening verse struck me in a way that really made me stop and think.
“I love the way you love like no other. It’s got nothing to do with anything that I do. Time and time again you forgive me, so this time I choose to stay here with you.”
The first truth that struck me was the reminder that God’s love for me is like NO OTHER. I’m not a mother, so I don’t understand the love of a parent. But I honestly cannot imagine a love that’s greater than the love I have for my Husband. I love him so much, I always want to be with him, I want him to be safe, I want him to be happy. I want his greatest dreams and desires to come true. God’s word says in Ephesians that His love is SO great that we will never see the end of it, or fully know or understand it. That means that God’s love for us is beyond what our human minds can even contain or comprehend. Wow! Take a minute and think about what that means. Imagine the greatest love you’ve ever felt and then try to imagine more…you cant! God’s love is immeasurable and incomparable! And as the Word says, as God’s children we are able to receive that love! You are able to receive that love!
The second thing that struck me was the truth that Gods love for me has NOTHING to do with anything that I do. NOTHING I do or don’t do will ever change how God feels about me. ” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” – Hebrews 13:8 His love is unconditional! I don’t have to be “perfect” for God to love me. I don’t have to do anything to earn His love. He loves me because that’s who He is! God is love! (1 John 4:8)
The last truth I heard during this verse is that because God loves me, He forgives me. Time and time and time again. No matter how many times I mess up, no matter how many mistakes I make, He never turns away from me. His love endures forever. (Psalm 136) I am so thankful that my God is a forgiving God, aren’t you? I know that as hard as I try, in my humanity, I will make more mistakes along this journey. But, in my reminder of how GREAT God’s love is, I never want to leave His side.
Like I said in a previous post, I have been on a journey of obedience for the last 6 months or so, and its been in the last 3 of them that I’ve decided to just open up my arms and surrender. I have watched God’s love story play out in front of me and I am left amazed. When I finally chose to let God show me what He had planned for my life, I had to walk away from some things, and I had to close some doors. I had to stop talking, stop working, stop fighting, and just listen. It’s been painful, and it’s been hard, very hard, but it has also been one of the best decisions of my life. Because, in this unknown territory, in this time of complete trust in His plan for me, I have been given so much. Nothing is the same anymore when you give God control, and I mean that in the best way possible! God is showing me WHO He created me to be. It may have taken me 30 years to watch this all come to fruition, but I know He’s not done yet! And He’s not done with you either! No matter where you are, or how many times you’ve walked away in disobedience. No matter what you’ve done. God loves you! He knows whats best for you! And like I’m learning, sometimes for Him to get you to what’s best, is going to take some hard decisions. I am determined that every time God asks me to make a choice, I will choose whats right, because when He was given the choice to die on the cross, He said “Not my will but yours be done.” Luke 22:42
I don’t know about you, but I want to see God’s will be done in my life because I know it is far greater than anything my human mind can come up with! And I know it’s worth whatever sacrifice He asks me to make, because He made the ultimate sacrifice for me. And I just can’t get over that!
“When he told you you’re not good enough
When he told you you’re not right
When he told you you’re not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you’re not worthy
When he told you you’re not loved
When he told you you’re not beautiful
That you’ll never be enough”
“Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar”
Have you ever been crippled by fear? When I listen to this song, I can’t help but think of all the times I’ve let fear rob me. More than I can count. I look back on my life and I realize how much time I’ve wasted being afraid. How many opportunities I’ve let pass me by. How many times I cowered in the corner because I felt so incapable and unqualified. There was also a time in my life, when I would never have been this honest about my fears, because that same fear kept me from opening up.
The Bible says to not be afraid 365 times! That’s one verse a day for a year that can tell you what God thinks about fear. Now, I know that’s easier said than done, to not be afraid ever! We are human, and this world is filled with things to be afraid of. But Gods word says in Timothy 1:7 that “God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, a sound mind and of power.” Read that again GOD DID NOT GIVE US… He did not create us to be fearful.
The greatest part about this song to me is the lyric “fear, HE is a liar.” HE being Satan, our enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Do you know what kills my self confidence? Fear! Do you know what’s been robbing me of fully becoming who God has called me to be? Fear! Do you know what destroys trust and commitment in our relationships? Fear! God DOES NOT bring fear into our lives. But, the enemy does. He wants to consume us with fear till we have nothing left. He wants us to walk away from every opportunity that leads us to our Father. He wants us to cower in the corner like I did for so many years feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Feeling like there was NO WAY that God could have such a marvelous plan for me, because well, I was just me. Jenna- full of fear. That’s what he wanted me to think about myself, that I could never do what God has called me to do because I’m too afraid. I bet he laughed at me when I walked away from amazing opportunities, or when I said no, God can’t use me. I’m too damaged, too shy, too young, too old, too whatever lie it was he told me that day.
Well, you know what. I decided recently that I’M DONE! I am done being afraid! It’s time for the enemy to cower in the corner afraid of me because of what I’m going to do for God’s kingdom. God didn’t name me Jenna-full of fear…Satan placed that label on me, and i truly believed it for too long. I am Jenna-Full of Faith! Faith that my God is stronger than any fear! Faith that His voice speaks thunder over the lies of the enemy!
“But now this is what the Lord says, ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” – Isaiah 43:1
The enemy has no control over you or your mind. You belong to the Father. He has called you by name.
“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.” -Psalm 27:1
When you start to feel afraid (because you’re human and you will). Just give it over to God. He will NOT let you fall! It is by His strength alone that you can overcome your fears.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned about God, and something I have to remind myself daily is that I am human. I am imperfect, BUT GOD IS STRONG IN MY WEAKNESS and He can handle every fault of my humanity. He can handle it. It doesn’t surprise or scare Him. He knows you. He knows you and he STILL loves you.
There is freedom like no other when you learn to surrender your fears. See them for what they are, LIES from the enemy. Then you will already have one foot on top of them.
Pray this over whatever fears are lying to you today.
Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fear. Jesus Take every ounce of fear within me, and replace it with faith. Faith that you are strong enough when I am not. Let me trust you and know that Fear is a liar, and only You speak truth. Bring your promises to my mind that remind me to cast my fears on you so that they do not consume me. And God, when my humanity takes over and the fear is overwhelming, help me to step out anyways, step out in my fear knowing you will catch me. My Fear DOES NOT STOP YOU GOD! My fear will not stop you!
“Jesus told them,’Do not be afraid. Just believe.'”-Mark 5:36
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” -Ephesians 3:20
The church I attend has added a new portion to our services where we memorize one verse a month as a congregation. These verses are the first two of the year. Verses that I have always loved. Promises that I’ve always thought I believed. But our true belief in these promises comes when our faith is tested doesn’t it? Will we stand firm in these words, or will we allow the enemy to flood our minds with doubt?
I mentioned in my last post about God speaking the word CHOICE over my life for 2018. Never did I imagine the choices that I would have to make to allow God to unveil His plan for my life. This past week has been a constant choice of speaking these two verses over myself. This week I have questioned Gods plan for my life, and the enemy has been pushing doubt into my mind at every turn. I have had to choose to speak TRUTH over those lies because I KNOW Gods promises, even when I feel like they’re failing me. A big lesson that I learned in 2017 was that my “feelings” about my life and my circumstances DO NOT STOP GOD! Because what I feel and what I know are sometimes two completely different things. And this week, I have had to tell my feelings to take a back seat, so that I could speak over my circumstance the truths that I know about God. That He is good! He knows what He is doing in my life, even when I can’t understand. And He will not leave me where I am today. He’s leading me somewhere good, and I have to believe that when the days feel bad.
If I think about where I was a year ago, I can see how Gods plan for me is unraveling. I’m nowhere near where I was last year. Right now, I’m in an unknown territory and I can’t see where God is taking me, or how He’s going to use the circumstance I’m in. But I believe without a shadow of a doubt, that next year I will not be where I am today!
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing… I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” -Isaiah 43:18-19
A good friend of mine once reminded me that Obedience to God, is going to cost us something. It’s going to require sacrifice, and sometimes it’s going to hurt. I’ve made some letting go choices these last few months that have hurt. But I can see glimpses of the new thing that God is doing in my life, and that is what gives me HOPE. I have seen God move in my life, and I have seen Him answer prayers that I’ve prayed for years. I CHOOSE to believe that every day I spend in this unknown will draw me closer to Him. Every day is a step closer to His divine plan for my life. And that whatever the day brings, He is good.
“I’ve seen you move, you move the mountains. And I believe, I’ll see you do it again. You made a way , where there was no way. And I believe, I’ll see you do it again. “
At the end of my last post, I talked about my wealth being in the cross. I’ve been dwelling on those thoughts deeply. Remembering to define my wealth in the priceless gifts that God has given me and continues to give me freely every single day. In a world overrun with stature and consumerism it takes a constant daily reminder to myself to value my unworldly possessions in my savior. But IT IS WORTH IT! To know that my true treasure lies in heaven, there now, waiting for me, brings an assurance and a comfort that is indescribable.
This week I finally heard the new album from Bethany Barnard (formerly Dillon). The album is titled. “A Better Word”. God has used it to speak over me truth, and grace. It has spoken remembrance of many great lessons of Christ. I wanted to write about every single one of them. Honestly, I cannot say enough good things about this album. It is an amazing, raw story filled with incredible lyrics. It is worth your time to listen. Listening to one of the songs, I was reminded that not only is my wealth in the cross, but my WORTH too, is found only in Jesus Christ. You, and I were WORTH IT ALL for Jesus. We were worth enough to give his life for. How many people do you know that deserve for you to give your life in their place? No matter what we’ve done or where we’ve been in life, God found us worth giving his only son to die a shameful death, to save our souls. What an incredible love He gives. This is why I chose her song, “My worth is not in what I own.”
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”-Psalm 139:13
“My worth is not in what I own. Not in the strength of flesh and bone. But in the costly wounds of love at the cross. My worth is not in skill or name. In win or lose in pride or shame. But in the blood of Christ that flows at the cross.”
Hearing those lyrics for the first time had me breathing in a deep breath of thankfulness. Imagine what my life would be if my worth came from the strength of my own flesh and bone. Do you know how many mistakes I’ve made? How many times I’ve been faced with a fork in the road and chosen the wrong path? How many people I’ve hurt and disappointed? My life would seem to be worth very little. But my life was redeemed. My mistakes paid for! The hurt I’ve caused, forgiven and washed clean by the blood that flows from the cross.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus. so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”-Ephesians 2:10
My favorite line in this song is found in these first few lyrics. “my worth is not in skill or name. In win or lose, in pride or shame.” You see, not only is our worth not found in our worldly treasures. In the tangible things that we “have to have” in life. In our pride and self-worth. it is also true that my worth is NOT defined by my shame! It’s not defined by all the wrong things I’ve done that I mentioned before. PRAISE JESUS! God knew us, he knew every good and bad thing we will ever do, even before we were born. And yet he STILL said we were worth it. YOU are worth it. He didn’t just die for the rich, the good, the well-known. He died for the poor, the needy, the weak, the bad, and the broken. He died for the sinner and the saint the same. YOU ARE NOT HIDDEN FROM CHRIST. He loves you and you’re worth the ultimate price to Him.
“He forgave us all our trespasses. Having canceled the debt ascribed to us in the decrees that stood against us. He took it away, nailing it to the cross.”-Colossians 2:13-14
“I will not boast in wealth or might, in human wisdom’s fleeting light. But I will boast in knowing Christ, at the cross. For wonders here, I might confess, my worth and my unworthiness. My value fixed, my ransom paid, at the cross.”
Some more amazing lyrics here in these other verses. His word says that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) And even in our salvation we will continue to fall unworthy of the price he paid. But do not lose heart because we can NEVER LOSE the worth in our salvation!Our value in Christ’s eyes is fixed ! Never changing, Never ending!
“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.”-John 10;28
Whatever you are doing right now, stop, and say thank you to our Lord and Savior. Thank Him that no power on earth can ever take Him away from us! (Romans 8:29)
“I rejoice in my redeemer, greatest treasure, wellspring of my soul. I will trust in Him, no other. My soul is satisfied in Him alone.”
I declare today to stop trying so hard to satisfy my flesh and bone. To stop trying tosatisfy MY needs. To stop trying to meet up to the impossible standards that are set for us through the media and peer pressure. I declare this because I KNOW that TRUE satisfaction will only be found by satisfying my soul ,through Him who placed the highest worth upon my unworthy flesh. My redeemer. My greatest treasure. The wellspring that never leaves me thirsty. My Jesus.
Jesus, you satisfy my soul. You deem me worthy through Your blood that never stops flowing. I can sit here today and say “I am worth it” because Your word says so, and Your word is truth. I was reminded through a sermon this week Lord that You cannot lie, and I stand on that promise. I stand on the promise of my salvation that can never be taken away. My worth that can never be reduced because my price was fixed when you were nailed to the cross. My sin and shame erased, never to be laid upon me again. Thank you Lord. Whoever may read this today Father, fill their hearts with the worthiness that only you supply! Satisfy their souls with your love, and forgiveness. Yes God, we trust you alone. All of this for your glory and in your name.
What does it mean to make a commitment? To me it means dedication, faithfulness, accountability. It means sticking to something even when you don’t necessarily feel like it. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines commitment as, “The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity”.The synonyms listed are similar to what I previously stated; dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, and fidelity. I think in this day and age we too easily make commitments without truly understanding the weight of what it means, the weight of what it takes to honor the commitment. The hardest part of making a commitment? Following through. Following through once we realize the sacrifices we have to make. Following through when we’re faced with the difficult decisions of choosing our commitment over something more enticing. Following through NO MATTER WHAT because that is what it means to keep and honor a commitment.
Last year when I started this blog, I made a commitment to myself and to God to honor Him and allow Him to use my gift of writing for His glory. To use the stories and testimonies of my life to help others seek Gods word. I’m going to be honest and tell you that I didn’t keep that commitment. I didn’t follow through. It started around the holidays when life got busy, and it continued into this new year as I came up with excuse after excuse to not sit down and write. This short month and half of 2017 has been extremely challenging for me. Personally and spiritually, and I’ve let those challenges become the reason I didn’t honor my commitment. I used the challenges as an excuse to not be used by God. This week as I told myself and God again that I would start my blog, I really wanted to mean it. In my heart I didn’t want to find an excuse, even though I told myself I probably would. A song from Unspoken’s latest album played on a Pandora station at my salon, and I knew my excuses had run dry. There was absolutely NO reason for me to not write. There was no reason why I couldn’t use these very challenges as a reason TO write. As a reason TO be used by God. It’s the very reason I started this blog. To allow God to use my life, my joys, AND my struggles to bring glory to His name. The song is called “Follow Through” and I have chosen it for my first blog post of 2017. For a new commitment to this little ministry of mine. May God be glorified.
“I lay it all down at Your feet on the floor, but pick it up as I walk out the door. Oh God, help me surrender. It’s easy to rest my heart for the moment, but then I fear the waves of the ocean. Oh God, help me remember. Over and over, every minute. Closer and closer, I am committed. Why do I follow this fickle heart of mine?”
How many times have you done this? Found yourself in an eye-opening, life changing moment with God, where you surrender your troubles, surrender your pain and commit to trust Him 100%. But then as you walk away back into the realities of life and the first road block hits you, you pick it all back up again, taking life back into your own hands. That’s pretty much how this year has started for me. Losing weight before I try for a baby? God would give me the energy and strength. Making this year about drawing closer to God and truly live knowing He’s enough for me? Fully committed! Understanding that Gods timing is better than mine and that He knows best? Yes!! But then, 5 days into 2017 my husband was forced to make a decision to leave his current job. He wouldn’t be able to receive un-employment and would have to start from the ground up to build a new business for himself. My first thought? There is NO WAY we can afford to live on my income alone. Absolutely no way. I would have to pick up another day at work just to try to survive this. My mind was divided in a hundred different ways trying to figure out how this was going to work. I had already thought of everything but giving up. But God’s word says this, “Therefore do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light MOMENTARY affliction is preparing for us an ETERNAL weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look NOT to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18) We cannot know the full plan of our lives that God has designed. We cannot know all of the things He is working out during our trials. We CAN know through His word that our troubles in life, whether they be financial, physical, or emotional are only momentary afflictions preparing us for the weight of Gods glory. That God is renewing us spiritually day after day after day through life’s ups and downs. We must trust Him in both. We must look to the things that are unseen because we can know that God sees them. I had to remember that my wealth is not in the things of this world, not in how much or how little money we would have, but in the cross. In the promise of eternal life through my Savior, Christ Jesus. I must not live my life based on my thoughts and knowledge of this world. I must not follow my ever-changing, fickle heart.
“Let my life be a beautiful garden, that You plant and bring forth a harvest. Oh God, won’t you use me. Through every season keep growing stronger, living my life to bring you honor. Oh God, Yours is the Glory. Over and over, every minute, closer and closer, I am committed. I’m not gonna follow this fickle heart of mine”
Something that I’ve re-discovered these last few weeks is this. PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD ARE GOING TO LET YOU DOWN! They’re going to fall short. They’re going to hurt you, and disappoint you. It is in our very sinful human nature. We are not perfect, and God knows that! He designed us that way. He made us so imperfect so that we could only rely on HIS perfection! I have learned that I must take ALL my expectations off of the people in my life, because they will never meet up to the standards I seek. I must place ALL of my hope, ALL of my trust, ALL of my expectations on My Jesus. The one who will NEVER let me down! There will be seasons in your life when you are waiting for God, waiting for the answers, waiting for the way out, and during those seasons we must WAIT and trust that God is bringing forth a harvest in us and in our lives! He is cultivating ways to draws us closer to Him, ways to make us stronger in and through Him, beyond our comprehension. We must make the choice to either honor God ALWAYS, even when it’s hard, or to bring honor to ourselves when we choose to trust our own judgement over the Lords. I wish I could say that after I chose to trust God that day in January that things started looking up. But they didn’t. I have had to DELIBERATELY and consciously CHOOSE to trust God every single day. When bills are due and I have a week where 5 people cancel appointments, I have to choose to believe that God will provide. When my emotions are out of control and things are happening that I cannot change, I have to CHOOSE to remember that God is with me. He will take care of me and my family. Every day I have to choose Jesus. My commitment to Him is the greatest I’ll ever make, and I cannot afford to let my circumstances in life make me believe other wise.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.” -Philippians 4:12-14.
“More than my hands raised high. More than the tears I’ve cried. More than a one time, this a lifetime of chasing you. I feel Your Spirit move. A love I cannot refuse. Help me surrender, once and forever, and follow through.”
I desperately want to show God in 2017 that my commitment to Him is more than just raising my hands on Sunday mornings. More than the tears I cry out when I’m in need, because I know He hears me. I know He deserves my all. My everything. I want my commitment to be a LIFETIME of chasing after Him, because He is the answer. His love is the one thing worth committing to. And I KNOW that when I am FULLY devoted and committed to Him that I CAN and WILL follow through with the other commitments I’ve chosen to make in life. I want to surrender what has already happened this year, and what is to come. Surrender it all at the feet of Jesus, ONCE AND FOREVER!
The start of this year has reminded me quickly how much I need Jesus. And I know because His word says so, that He is working out things for my good because I love and trust him. (Jeremiah 29:11) By starting the year off as it has, I know that God is going to help me follow through with my new commitment to Him, because He’s going to use these trials, whether big or small, to remind me He is here, I can count on Him. To remind me to loosen my grip and let him take control. To remind me that this world and the things in it, they are not where my treasure lies.
“I’m not looking down. I’m not turning back. Press on the goal, this is my path. I stand on Your Mercy. I fall on Your Grace. I’m not giving up, ‘til I finish the race.”
Lord Jesus, You are so good to me. You know me more than I know myself, and you know what I need. Thank you for starting off this year the way you have. Though it has been hard and filled with tears and wonder, You have used it to show me your mercy and grace. To show me how I was viewing my life and how I SHOULD be viewing my life. My life is a gift Jesus. Thank you. Help Your children Lord to follow through with their commitment to serve you. To honor your and glorify you with our lives. Help us to be devoted, faithful, loyal and dedicated only to you Jesus. A lyric in my head this week has been that you will make a way where there seems to be no way. And I trust your word Jesus. You will make my paths straight. Let your name be glorified in all of my joys, and in all of my trials. May this ministry of mine touch many hearts and use me as you see fit. I trust you Jesus.
Happy New Year to all of my readers! I’m so excited to get back into this website and blog and really make something new of it! I’ve been praying and seeking inspiration from God and from The Word. My desire with this blog is still the same. To lead people into the presence of God through worship music and prayer. I want every post to be a genuine testimony of how God has moved in my life, to be a true word of hope to those that walk along side me as brothers and sisters in Christ. As I continue to determine and pray over what “Worship with me” entails this year I would like to repost my very first blog. I often go back and read it as an uplift and inspiration to myself when I’m feeling stuck. I hope that you will also find inspiration and hope. And I ask that you pray with me as I go forward into a new chapter for this blog!
Being a long time fan of their music and testimonies, I Pre-ordered Hillsong United’s new album “Empires” as soon as it was available. If you’ve heard this album, then you know I was not disappointed when I was touched by each song. The powerful thing about their music is how deeply you can feel the passion, and love, and truth behind each lyric. I can imagine where Gods presence took their hearts as they wrote and recorded each song. As with any new worship album, there are always the songs that reach you immediately, touching your soul in a way that makes you feel like it was written for you, about you. Then there are the songs that are great of course, but you just kind of skip past them while you obsessively listen to that one or those few that really grabbed you by the heart. Those for me with this album were “even when it hurts” and “captain”, and boy did I need to hear those lyrics at the place where I was in life, and in my walk with God. And, if your like me, time goes on , and you continue to love the album and listen to it shuffled into your “worship playlist” until one day, BAM! a song that you just “liked” before or “passed over” hits you in the face so hard it takes your breath away.
For me that song was, ‘Here now (madness)”. I loved this song when I first heard it, and am always mesmerized by Joel’s haunting voice as it plays through the speakers on my drive to work, but then there’s one time when you just HEAR every word differently, and you hear God speaking to you in every line and lyric that passes. I recently attended a Hillsong United concert here in my hometown, and that is where I heard and felt this song differently. That is when God rushed into my heart through these words and gave me a new hope, a new peace, and a new outlook on my current situations. My desire is that as I tell you how this song spoke to me, as I remind you of Gods promises as it did for me, that you are filled with hope in whatever you may be facing today.
Right now my biggest dream for my life is to be a mom. With type 1 diabetes, anda thyroid disease, I face some challenges in achieving that dream. I know and have always believed that God will bless me with a child one day, and I have wept and prayed through many times when I let the enemy allow me to believe that I could not be a mother. I believed his lies that being a mom wasn’t Gods plan for me, that maybe I did something in my life that I was being punished for, and would never know how it felt to hold a child of my own, to love a child the way only a mother could. And through those lows, God always brought me back and reminded me that yes, I face some challenges, but there is absolutely NO challenge that God cannot overcome. To be honest, right now I’m going through a lower time. I still believe Gods promise for my life, but the waiting is hard, and I feel sometimes like it just wont happen for me. Time is ticking, and Im not getting any younger.
As they sang this song live at the concert, these words rang true and deep in my heart, the song opens saying, “Time runs its race within Your hand. And my mind runs wild to comprehend. What no mind on earth could understand.” I felt God telling me, “Jenna, don’t you ever forget that your time in is MY hands, as your mind wonders over and over why? remember that you are not meant to understand all of my ways. You are meant to trust me! Trust MY timing.” The song goes on to sing “Your ways are higher. Your thoughts are wilder. Love came like madness, poured out in blood-wash romance. It makes no sense but this is grace. And I know your with me in this place.” At the concert Joel, one of the band members spoke about God’s grace that sometimes, just doesn’t make sense. That at times we don’t even understand how we wake up and make it through day-to-day. But that’s Gods grace, it makes no sense, but its amazing and undeniable. I had to remember that Gods ways are better than mine, Gods timing is better than mine. He knows all, and sees all, and He knows what is best for me. He knows WHEN is best for me. His thoughts are wilder! What He has planned for me is far better and far greater than I can ever imagine! In Jeremiah 29:11(MSG) His word says “I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised! and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out!-plans to take care of you, not abandon you. Plans to give you the future you hoped for!” Wow! I want to wake up every day believing that! Reminding myself that God’s promise is to give me a future of hope! That He has it all planned out! I don’t have to wonder WHY or worry about WHEN I will receive my blessing. All that matters is that His word says that I WILL receive it!
The Second verse says “Faith makes a fool of what makes sense. But grace found my heart where logic ends. When justice called for all my debts. The friend of sinners came instead.” When I hear the enemy tell me that because of my diseases, I just wasn’t made to be a mother. I hear this song remind me that “Faith makes a fool of what makes sense.” And to this world what makes sense, is that I have type 1 diabetes which makes carrying a child very difficult. The world tells me that its impossible to achieve the low blood sugar levels that I need to conceive safely. It tells me that because of my thyroid disorder my chance of having a miscarriage is higher than average, and that most likely I wont carry a baby to term. But you know what my God tells me? He tells me “ Who cares what the world says. Who cares what the statistics are! I am God! The author and perfector of ALL! I Can and I WILL make a way for you to carry a child! You are my daughter and I want nothing more than to make you the mother that you deserve to be, the mother that I created you to be!” Gods logic might not make sense to my doctors or to this world, but its the only logic that makes sense to me! I’m also reminded by this verse that God does not punish his children! When justice tells me all the things that I’ve done wrong, all the mistakes that I’ve made, all the times that I turned from God even when I knew better, God reminds me that He came on the cross and stood in my place. He’s erased all of my shame, and He will not hold back a blessing from me because of things that I’ve done in my past. John 1:9 (NIV) says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Thank you God that you took my place on the cross, and paid the debt for all my sins.
To end I would like to talk about the chorus of this song. Its message is simple and true and the most important reminder that I hear while I listen. It goes “All I know is I know that you are here now. Still my heart, let your voice be all I hear now. Spirit breathe like the wind, come have your way. Cause I know You’re in this place.” I know, that I know, that I know that no matter how long it takes for me to receive my blessing, no matter what I endure to get there, that God is with me. He is here now! He is here yesterday, today, and forever, and that will never change.
Dear God, Thank you for the wonderful people who you used to create this song. I pray like with me, whoever may read these words, that Your voice be all they hear. That Your Holy Spirit breathe and have Your way. Their struggles may not be the same as mine, but you will come into their hearts just like you have with me and breathe life! I pray that as they listen to this song, that they be overwhelmed by your love and presence. That your peace and promises take over in their life, in there challenges, in their loss, in whatever they are facing right now. Let your Word speak truth and hope into their hearts. Let them receive the Power that you give them to overcome all things. And remind them that no matter how impossible, how intangible their desires may seem, that you are there with them. They are not alone. You will bring understanding, healing, peace and comfort.You are here in the midst of their trials, and you will be there when they, along with myself receive our blessings. And all glory and all honor will be given to you, who came like madness and poured out your blood because you love us that much. And because you want us to find our hope in You. Thank you that we can find hope in you Jesus.
Worship With Me 